DOMESTIC AMUSEMENTS AND SOCIAL DUTIES


XXIII.

DOMESTIC AMUSEMENTS AND SOCIAL DUTIES.

Whenever the laws of body and mind are properly understood, it will
be allowed that every person needs some kind of recreation; and that,
by seeking it, the body is strengthened, the mind is invigorated, and
all our duties are more cheerfully and successfully performed.

Children, whose bodies are rapidly growing and whose nervous system
is tender and excitable, need much more amusement than persons of
mature age. Persons, also, who are oppressed with great responsibilities
and duties, or who are taxed by great intellectual or moral excitement,
need recreations which physically exercise and draw off the mind from
absorbing interests. Unfortunately, such persons are those who least
resort to amusements, while the idle, gay, and thoughtless seek those
which are not needed, and for which useful occupation would be a most
beneficial substitute.

As the only legitimate object of amusement is to prepare mind and body
for the proper discharge of duty, the protracting of such as interfere
with regular employments, or induce excessive fatigue, or weary the
mind, or invade the proper hours for repose, must be sinful.

In deciding what should be selected, and what avoided, the following
are guiding principles. In the first place, no amusements which inflict
needless pain should ever be allowed. All tricks which cause fright
or vexation, and all sports which involve suffering to animals, should
be utterly forbidden. Hunting and fishing, for mere sport, can never
be justified. If a man can convince his children that he follows these
pursuits to gain food or health, and not for amusement, his example
may not be very injurious. But when children see grown persons kill
and frighten animals, for sport, habits of cruelty, rather than feelings
of tenderness and benevolence, are cultivated.

In the next place, we should seek no recreations which endanger life,
or interfere with important duties. As the legitimate object of
amusements is to promote health and prepare for some serious duties,
selecting those which have a directly opposite tendency, can not be
justified. Of course, if a person feels that the previous day's
diversion has shortened the hours of needful repose, or induced a
lassitude of mind or body, instead of invigorating them, it is certain
that an evil has been done which should never be repeated.

Another rule which has been extensively adopted in the religious world
is, to avoid those amusements which experience has shown to be so
exciting, and connected with so many temptations, as to be pernicious
in tendency, both to the individual and to the community. It is on
this ground, that horse-racing and circus-riding have been excluded.
Not because there is any thing positively wrong in having men and
horses run and perform feats of agility, or in persons looking on for
the diversion: but because experience has shown so many evils connected
with these recreations, that they should be relinquished. So with
theatres. The enacting of characters and the amusement thus afforded
in themselves may be harmless; and possibly, in certain cases, might
be useful: but experience has shown so many evils to result from this
source, that it has been deemed wrong to patronize it. So, also, with
those exciting games of chance which are employed in gambling.

Under the same head comes dancing, in the estimation of the great
majority of the religious world. Still, there are many intelligent,
excellent, and conscientious persons who hold a contrary opinion. Such
maintain that it is an innocent and healthful amusement, tending to
promote ease of manners, cheerfulness, social affection, and health
of mind and body; that evils are involved only in its excess; that
like food, study, or religions excitement, it is only wrong when not
properly regulated; and that, if serious and intelligent people would
strive to regulate, rather than banish, this amusement, much more good
would be secured.

On the other side, it is objected, not that dancing is a sin, in itself
considered, for it was once a part of sacred worship; not that it would
be objectionable, if it were properly regulated; not that it does not
tend, when used in a proper manner, to health of body and mind, to
grace of manners; and to social enjoyment: all these things are
conceded. But it is objected to, on the same ground as horse-racing
and theatrical entertainments; that we are to look at amusements as
they are, and not as they might be. Horse-races might be so managed
as not to involve cruelty, gambling, drunkenness, and other vices. And
so might theatres. And if serious and intelligent persons undertook
to patronize these, in order to regulate them, perhaps they would be
somewhat raised from the depths to which they have sunk. But such
persons believe that, with the weak sense of moral obligation existing
in the mass of society, and the imperfect ideas mankind have of the
proper use of amusements, and the little self-control which men or
women or children practice, these will not, in fact, be thus regulated.

And they believe dancing to be liable to the same objections. As this
recreation is actually conducted, it does not tend to produce health
of body or mind, but directly the contrary. If young and old went out
to dance together in open air, as the French peasants do, it would be
a very different sort of amusement from that which often is witnessed
in a room furnished with many lights and filled with guests, both
expending the healthful part of the atmosphere, where the young collect,
in their tightest dresses, to protract for several hours a kind of
physical exertion which is not habitual to them. During this process,
the blood is made to circulate more swiftly than usual, in circumstances
where it is less perfectly oxygenized than health requires; the pores
of the skin are excited by heat and exercise; the stomach is loaded
with indigestible articles, and the quiet, needful to digestion,
withheld; the diversion is protracted beyond the usual hour for repose;
and then, when the skin is made the most highly susceptible to damps
and miasms, the company pass from a warm room to the cold night-air.
It is probable that no single amusement can be pointed out combining
so many injurious particulars as this, which is so often defended as
a healthful one. Even if parents, who train their children to dance,
can keep them from public balls, (which is seldom the case,) dancing,
as ordinarily conducted in private parlors, in most cases is subject
to nearly all the same mischievous influences.

The spirit of Christ is that of self-denying benevolence; and his great
aim, by his teachings and example, was to train his followers to avoid
all that should lead to sin, especially in regard to the weaker ones
of his family. Yet he made wine at a wedding, attended a social feast
on the Sabbath, [Footnote: Luke xiv. In reading this passage, please
notice what kind of guests are to be invited to the feast that Jesus
Christ recommends.] reproved excess of strictness in Sabbath-keeping
generally, and forbade no safe and innocent enjoyment. In following
his example, the rulers of the family, then, will introduce the most
highly exciting amusements only in circumstances where there are such
strong principles and habits of self-control that the enjoyment will
not involve sin in the actor or needless temptation to the weak.

The course pursued by our Puritan ancestors, in the period succeeding
their first perils amid sickness and savages, is an example that may
safely be practiced at the present day. The young of both sexes were
educated in the higher branches, in country academies, and very often
the closing exercises were theatricals, in which the pupils were
performers and their pastors, elders, and parents, the audience. So,
at social gatherings, the dance was introduced before minister and
wife, with smiling approval. The roaring fires and broad chimneys
provided pure air, and the nine o'clock bell ended the festivities
that gave new vigor and zest to life, while the dawn of the next day's
light saw all at their posts of duty, with heartier strength and blither
spirits.

No indecent or unhealthful costumes offended the eye, no half-naked
dancers of dubious morality were sustained in a life of dangerous
excitement, by the money of Christian people, for the mere amusement
of their night hours. No shivering drivers were deprived of comfort
and sleep, to carry home the midnight followers of fashion; nor was
the quiet and comfort of servants in hundreds of dwellings invaded for
the mere amusement of their superiors in education and advantages. The
command "we that are strong, ought to bear the infirmities of the weak,
and not to please ourselves," was in those days not reversed. Had the
drama and the dance continued to be regulated by the rules of
temperance, health, and Christian benevolence, as in the days of our
forefathers, they would not have been so generally banished from the
religious world. And the question is now being discussed, whether they
can be so regulated at the present time as not to violate the laws,
either of health or benevolence. [Footnote: Fanny Kemble Butler remarked
to the present writer that she regarded theatres wrong, chiefly because
of the injury involved to the actors. Can a Christian mother contribute
money to support young women in a profession from which she would
protect her own daughter, as from degradation, and that, too, simply
for the amusement of herself and family? Would this be following the
self-sacrificing benevolence of Christ and his apostles?]

In regard to home amusements, card-playing is now indulged in, in many
conscientious families from which it formerly was excluded, and for
these reasons: it is claimed that this is a quiet home amusement, which
unites pleasantly the aged with the young; that it is not now employed
in respectable society for gambling, as it formerly was; that to some
young minds it is a peculiarly fascinating game, and should be first
practiced under the parental care, till the excitement of novelty is
past, thus rendering the danger to children less, when going into the
world; and, finally, that habits of self-control in exciting
circumstances may and should be thus cultivated in the safety of home.
Many parents who have taken this course with their sons in early life,
believe that it has proved rather a course of safety than of danger.
Still, as there is great diversity of opinion, among persons of equal
worth and intelligence, a mutual spirit of candor and courtesy should
be practiced. The sneer at bigotry and narrowness of views, on one
side, and the uncharitable implication of want of piety, or sense, on
the other, are equally ill-bred and unchristian. Truth on this subject
is best promoted, not by ill-natured crimination and rebuke, but by
calm reason, generous candor, forbearance, and kindness.

There is another species of amusement, which a large portion of the
religious world formerly put under the same condemnation as the
preceding. This is novel-reading. The confusion and difference of
opinion on this subject have arisen from a want of clear and definite
distinctions. Now, as it is impossible to define what are novels and
what are not, so as to include one class of fictitious writings and
exclude every other, it is impossible to lay down any rule respecting
them. The discussion, in fact, turns on the use of those works of
imagination which belong to the class of fictitious narratives. That
this species of reading is not only lawful but necessary and useful,
is settled by divine examples, in the parables and allegories of
Scripture. Of course, the question must be, what kind of fabulous
writings must be avoided, and what allowed.

In deciding this, no specific rules can be given; but it must be a
matter to be regulated by the nature and circumstances of each case.
No works of fiction which tend to throw the allurements of taste and
genius around vice and crime should ever be tolerated; and all that
tend to give false views of life and duty should also be banished. Of
those which are written for mere amusement, presenting scenes and
events that are interesting and exciting and having no bad moral
influence, much must depend on the character and circumstances of the
reader. Some minds are torpid and phlegmatic, and need to have the
imagination stimulated: such would be benefited by this kind of reading.
Others have quick and active imaginations, and would be as much injured
by excess. Some persons are often so engaged in absorbing interests,
that any thing innocent, which will for a short time draw off the mind,
is of the nature of a medicine; and, in such cases, this kind of reading
is useful.

There is need, also, that some men should keep a supervision of the
current literature of the day, as guardians, to warn others of danger.
For this purpose, it is more suitable for editors, clergymen, and
teachers to read indiscriminately, than for any other class of persons;
for they are the guardians of the public weal in matters of literature,
and should be prepared to advise parents and young persons of the evils
in one direction and the good in another. In doing this, however, they
are bound to go on the same principles which regulate physicians, when
they visit infected districts--using every precaution to prevent injury
to themselves; having as little to do with pernicious exposures, as
a benevolent regard to others will allow; and faithfully employing all
the knowledge and opportunities thus gained for warning and preserving
others. There is much danger, in taking this course, that men will
seek the excitement of the imagination for the mere pleasure it affords,
under the plea of preparing to serve the public, when this is neither
the aim nor the result.

In regard to the use of such works by the young, as a general rule,
they ought not to be allowed, to any except those of a dull and
phlegmatic temperament, until the solid parts of education are secured
and a taste for more elevated reading is acquired. If these stimulating
condiments in literature be freely used in youth, all relish for more
solid reading will in a majority of cases be destroyed. If parents
succeed in securing habits of cheerful and implicit obedience, it will
be very easy to regulate this matter, by prohibiting the reading of
any story-book, until the consent of the parent is obtained.

The most successful mode of forming a taste for suitable reading, is
for parents to select interesting works of history and travels, with
maps and pictures suited to the age and attainments of the young, and
spend an hour or two each day or evening, in aiming to make truth as
interesting as fiction. Whoever has once tried this method will find
that the uninjured mind of childhood is better satisfied with what
they know is true, when wisely presented, than with the most exciting
novels, which they know are false.

Perhaps there has been some just ground of objection to the course
often pursued by parents in neglecting to provide suitable and agreeable
substitutes for the amusements denied. But there is a great abundance
of safe, healthful, and delightful recreations, which all parents may
secure for their children. Some of these will here be pointed out.

One of the most useful and important, is the cultivation of flowers
and fruits. This, especially for the daughters of a family, is greatly
promotive of health and amusement. It is with the hope that many young
ladies, whose habits are now so formed that they can never be induced
to a course of active domestic exercise so long as their parents are
able to hire domestic service, may yet be led to an employment which
will tend to secure health and vigor of constitution, that much space
will be given in the second volume of this work, to directions for the
cultivation of fruits and flowers.

It would be a most desirable improvement, if all schools for young
women could be furnished with suitable grounds and instruments for the
cultivation of fruits and flowers, and every inducement offered to
engage the pupils in this pursuit. No father, who wishes to have his
daughters grow up to be healthful women, can take a surer method to
secure this end. Let him set apart a portion of his ground for fruits
and flowers, and see that the soil is well prepared and dug over, and
all the rest may be committed to the care of the children. These would
need to be provided with a light hoe and rake, a dibble or garden
trowel, a watering-pot, and means and opportunities for securing seeds,
roots, bulbs, buds, and grafts, all which might be done at a trifling
expense. Then, with proper encouragement and by the aid of a few
intelligible and practical directions, every man who has even half an
acre could secure a small Eden around his premises.

In pursuing this amusement children can also be led to acquire many
useful habits. Early rising would, in many cases, be thus secured; and
if they were required to keep their walks and borders free from weeds
and rubbish, habits of order and neatness would be induced. Benevolent
and social feelings could also be cultivated, by influencing children
to share their fruits and flowers with friends and neighbors, as well
as to distribute roots and seeds to those who have not the means of
procuring them. A woman or a child, by giving seeds or slips or roots
to a washerwoman, or a farmer's boy, thus inciting them to love and
cultivate fruits and flowers, awakens a new and refining source of
enjoyment in minds which have few resources more elevated than mere
physical enjoyments. Our Saviour directs us in making feasts, to call,
not the rich who can recompense again, but the poor who can make no
returns. So children should be taught to dispense their little treasures
not alone to companions and friends, who will probably return similar
favors; but to those who have no means of making any return. If the
rich, who acquire a love for the enjoyments of taste and have the means
to gratify it, would aim to extend among the poor the cheap and simple
enjoyment of fruits and flowers, our country would soon literally
"blossom as the rose."

If the ladies of a neighborhood would unite small contributions, and
send a list of flower-seeds and roots to some respectable and honest
florist, who would not be likely to turn them off with trash, they
could divide these among themselves and their poor neighbors, so as
to secure an abundant variety at a very small expense. A bag of
flower-seeds, which can be obtained at wholesale for four cents, would
abundantly supply a whole neighborhood; and by the gathering of seeds
in the autumn, could be perpetuated.

Another very elevating and delightful recreation for the young is found
in _music_. Here the writer would protest against the practice common in
many families, of having the daughters learn to play on the piano
whether they have a taste and an ear for music, or not. A young lady who
does not sing well, and has no great fondness for music, does nothing
but waste time, money, and patience in learning to play on the piano.
But all children can be taught to sing in early childhood, if the
scientific mode of teaching music in schools could be more widely
introduced, as it is in Prussia, Germany, and Switzerland. Then young
children could read and sing music as easily as they can read language;
and might take any tune, dividing themselves into bands, and sing off
at sight the endless variety of music which is prepared. And if parents
of wealth would take pains to have teachers qualified for the purpose,
who should teach all the young children in the community, much would
be done for the happiness and elevation of the rising generation. This
is an element of education which we are glad to know is, year by year,
more extensively and carefully cultivated; and it is not only a means
of culture, but also an amusement, which children relish in the highest
degree; and which they can enjoy at home, in the fields, and in visits
abroad.

Another domestic amusement is the collecting of shells, plants, and
specimens in geology and mineralogy, for the formation of cabinets.
If intelligent parents would procure the simpler works which have been
prepared for the young, and study them with their children, a taste
for such recreations would soon be developed. The writer has seen young
boys, of eight and ten years of age, gathering and cleaning shells
from rivers, and collecting plants and mineralogical specimens, with
a delight bordering on ecstasy; and there are few, if any, who by
proper influences would not find this a source of ceaseless delight
and improvement.

Another resource for family diversion is to be found in the various
games played by children, and in which the joining of older members
of the family is always a great advantage to both parties, especially
those in the open air.

All medical men unite in declaring that nothing is more beneficial to
health than hearty laughter; and surely our benevolent Creator would
not have provided risibles, and made it a source of health and enjoyment
to use them, if it were a sin so to do. There has been a tendency to
asceticism, on this subject, which needs to be removed. Such commands
as forbid _foolish_ laughing and jesting, "_which are not convenient_"
and which forbid all idle words and vain conversation, can not apply to
any thing except what is foolish, vain, and useless. But jokes,
laughter, and sports, when used in such a degree as tends only to
promote health and happiness, are neither vain, foolish, nor "not
convenient." It is the excess of these things, and not the moderate
use of them, which Scripture forbids. The prevailing temper of the
mind should be serious, yet cheerful; and there are times when
relaxation and laughter are not only proper but necessary and right
for all. There is nothing better for this end than that parents and
older persons should join in the sports of childhood. Mature minds can
always make such diversions more entertaining to children, and can
exert a healthful moral influence over their minds; and at the same
time can gain exercise and amusement for themselves. How lamentable
that so many fathers, who could be thus useful and happy with their
children, throw away such opportunities, and wear out soul and body
in the pursuit of gain or fame!

Another resource for children is the exercise of mechanical skill.
Fathers, by providing tools for their boys, and showing them how to
make wheelbarrows, carts, sleds, and various other articles, contribute
both to the physical, moral, and social improvement of their children.
And in regard to little daughters, much more can be done in this way
than many would imagine. The writer, blessed with the example of a
most ingenious and industrious mother, had not only learned before the
age of twelve to make dolls, of various sorts and sizes, but to cut
and fit and sew every article that belongs to a doll's wardrobe. This,
which was done by the child for mere amusement, secured such a facility
in mechanical pursuits, that, ever afterward, the cutting and fitting
of any article of dress, for either sex, was accomplished with entire
ease.

When a little girl begins to sew, her mother can promise her a small
bed and pillow, as soon as she has sewed a patch quilt for them; and
then a bedstead, as soon as she has sewed the sheets and cases for
pillows; and then a large doll to dress, as soon as she has made the
undergarments; and thus go on till the whole contents of the baby-house
are earned by the needle and skill of its little owner. Thus the task
of learning to sew will become a pleasure; and every new toy will be
earned by useful exertion. A little girl can be taught, by the aid of
patterns prepared for the purpose, to cut and fit all articles necessary
for her doll. She can also be provided with a little wash-tub and irons
and thus keep in proper order a complete miniature domestic
establishment.

Besides these recreations, there are the enjoyments secured in walking,
riding, visiting, and many other employments which need not be
recounted. Children, if trained to be healthful and industrious, will
never fail to discover resources of amusement; while their guardians
should lend their aid to guide and restrain them from excess.

There is need of a very great change of opinion and practice in this
nation in regard to the subject of social and domestic duties. Many
sensible and conscientious men spend all their time abroad in business;
except perhaps an hour or so at night, when they are so fatigued as
to be unfitted for any social or intellectual enjoyment. And some of
the most conscientious men in the country will add to their professional
business public or benevolent enterprises, which demand time, effort,
and money; and then excuse themselves for neglecting all care of their
children, and efforts for their own intellectual improvement, or for
the improvement of their families, by the plea that they have no time
for it.

All this arises from the want of correct notions of the binding
obligation of our social and domestic duties. The main object of life
is not to secure the various gratifications of appetite or taste, but
to form such a character, for ourselves and others, as will secure the
greatest amount of present and future happiness. It is of far more
consequence, then, that parents should be intelligent, social,
affectionate, and agreeable at home and to their friends, than that
they should earn money enough to live in a large house and have handsome
furniture. It is far more needful for children that a father should
attend to the formation of their character and habits, and aid in
developing their social, intellectual, and moral nature, than it is
that he should earn money to furnish them with handsome clothes and
a variety of tempting food.

It will be wise for those parents who find little time to attend to
their children, or to seek amusement and enjoyment in the domestic and
social circle, because their time is so much occupied with public cares
or benevolent objects, to inquire whether their first duty is not to
train up their own families to be useful members of society. A man who
neglects the mind and morals of his children, to take care of the
public, is in great danger of coming under a similar condemnation to
that of him who, neglecting to provide for his own household, has
"denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."

There are husbands and fathers who conscientiously subtract time from
their business to spend at home, in reading with their wives and
children, and in domestic amusements which at once refresh and improve.
The children of such parents will grow up with a love of home and
kindred which will be the greatest safeguard against future temptations,
as well as the purest source of earthly enjoyment.

There are families, also, who make it a definite object to keep up
family attachments, after the children are scattered abroad; and, in
some cases, secure the means for doing this by saving money which would
otherwise have been spent for superfluities of food or dress. Some
families have adopted, for this end, a practice which, if widely
imitated, would be productive of much enjoyment. The method is this:
On the first day of each month, some member of the family, at each
extreme point of dispersion, takes a folio sheet, and fills a part of
a page. This is sealed and mailed to the next family, who read it, add
another contribution, and then mail it to the next. Thus the family
circular, once a month, goes from each extreme to all the members of
a widely-dispersed family, and each member becomes a sharer in the
joys, sorrows, plans, and pursuits of all the rest. At the same time,
frequent family meetings are sought; and the expense thus incurred is
cheerfully met by retrenchments in other directions. The sacrifice of
some unnecessary physical indulgence will often purchase many social
and domestic enjoyments, a thousand times more elevating and delightful
than the retrenched luxury.

There is no social duty which the Supreme Law-giver more strenuously
urges than hospitality and kindness to strangers, who are classed with
the widow and the fatherless as the special objects of Divine
tenderness. There are some reasons why this duty peculiarly demands
attention from the American people.

Reverses of fortune, in this land, are so frequent and unexpected, and
the habits of the people are so migratory, that there are very many
in every part of the country who, having seen all their temporal plans
and hopes crushed, are now pining among strangers, bereft of wonted
comforts, without friends, and without the sympathy and society so
needful to wounded spirits. Such, too frequently, sojourn long and
lonely, with no comforter but Him who "knoweth the heart of a stranger."

Whenever, therefore, new-comers enter a community, inquiry should
immediately be made as to whether they have friends or associates, to
render sympathy and kind attentions; and, when there is any need for
it, the ministries of kind neighborliness should immediately be offered.
And it should be remembered that the first days of a stranger's sojourn
are the most dreary, and that civility and kindness are doubled in
value by being offered at an early period.

In social gatherings the claims of the stranger are too apt to be
forgotten; especially in cases where there are no peculiar attractions
of personal appearance, or talents, or high standing. Such a one should
be treated with attention, _because_ he is a stranger; and when
communities learn to act more from principle, and less from selfish
impulse, on this subject, the sacred claims of the stranger will be
less frequently forgotten.

The most agreeable hospitality to visitors who become inmates of a
family, is that which puts them entirely at ease. This can never be
the case where the guest perceives that the order of family arrangement
is essentially altered, and that time, comfort, and convenience are
sacrificed for his accommodation.

Offering the best to visitors, showing a polite regard to every wish
expressed, and giving precedence to them, in all matters of comfort
and convenience, can be easily combined with the easy freedom which
makes the stranger feel at home; and this is the perfection of
hospitable entertainment.