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The Fifth Day

The following day was very warm, and some half-dozen of the party
wandered into the garden after lunch and took their coffee under a
big chestnut tree on the lawn.  "And this is the 16th of June,"
said Lady Considine.  "Last year, on this very day, I started for
Hombourg.  I can't say I feel like starting for Hombourg, or any
other place, just at present."

"But why should any one of us want to go to Hombourg?" said Sir
John.  "Nobody can be afraid of gout with the admirable diet we
enjoy here."

"I beg you to speak for yourself, Sir John," said Lady Considine.
"I have never yet gone to Hombourg on account of gout."

"Of course not, my dear friend, of course not; there are so many
reasons for going to Hombourg.  There's the early rising, and the
band, and the new people one may meet there, and the change of
diet--especially the change of diet.  But, you see, we have found
our change of diet within an hour of London, so why--as I before
remarked--should we want to rush off to Hombourg?"

"I am a firm believer in that change of diet," said Mrs. Wilding,
"though in the most respectable circles the true-bred Briton still
talks about foreign messes, and affirms that anything else than
plain British fare ruins the digestion.  I must say my own
digestion is none the worse for the holiday I am having from the
preparations of my own 'treasure.' I think we all look remarkably
well; and we don't quarrel or snap at each other, and it would be
hard to find a better proof of wholesome diet than that."

"But I fancied Mrs. Gradinger looked a little out of sorts this
morning, and I'm sure she was more than a little out of temper when
I asked her how soon we were to taste her dish of toadstools," said
Miss Macdonnell.

"I expect she had been making a trial of the British fungi in her
bedroom," said Van der Roet; "and then, you see, our conversation
isn't quite 'high toned' enough for her taste.  We aren't
sufficiently awake to the claims of the masses.  Can any one
explain to me why the people who are so full of mercy for the mass,
are so merciless to the unit?"

"That is her system of proselytising," said the Colonel, "and if
she is content with outward conversion, it isn't a bad one.  I
often feel inclined to agree to any proposition she likes to put
forward, and I would, if I could stop her talking by my
submission."

"You wouldn't do that, Colonel, even in your suavest mood," said
Van der Roet; "but I hope somebody will succeed in checking her
flow of discourse before long.  I'm getting worn to a shadow by the
grind of that awful voice."

"I thought your clothes were getting a bit loose," said the
Colonel, "but I put that phenomenon down to another reason.  In
spite of Mrs. Wilding's praise of our present style of cooking, I
don't believe our friend Vander finds it substantial enough to
sustain his manly bulk, and I'll tell you the grounds of my belief.
A few mornings ago, when I was shaving, I saw the butcher bring
into the house a splendid sirloin, and as no sirloin has appeared
at table, I venture to infer that this joint was a private affair
of Vander's, and that he, as well as Mrs. Gradinger, has been going
in for bedroom cookery.  Here comes the Marchesa; we'll ask her to
solve the mystery."

"I can account for the missing sirloin," said the Marchesa.  "The
Colonel is wrong for once.  It went duly into the kitchen, and not
to Mr. Van der Roet's bedroom; but I must begin with a slight
explanation, or rather apology.  Next to trial by jury, and the
reverence paid to rank, and the horror of all things which, as poor
Corney Grain used to say, 'are not nice,' I reckon the Sunday
sirloin, cooked and served, one and indivisible as the typical
fetish of the great English middle class.  With this fact before my
eyes, I can assure you I did not lightly lay a hand on its
integrity.  My friends, you have eaten that sirloin without knowing
it.  You may remember that yesterday after lunch the Colonel was
loud in praise of a dish of beef.  Well, that beef was a portion of
the same, and not the best portion.  The Manzo in insalata, which
pleased the Colonel's palate, was that thin piece at the lower end,
the chief function of which, when the sirloin is cooked whole,
seems to lie in keeping the joint steady on the dish while
paterfamilias carves it.  It is never eaten in the dining-room hot,
because every one justly prefers and goes for the under cut;
neither does it find favour at lunch next day, for the reason that,
as cold beef, the upper cut is unapproachable.  I have never heard
that the kitchen hankers after it inordinately; indeed, its
ultimate destination is one of the unexplained mysteries of
housekeeping.  I hold that never, under any circumstances, should
it be cooked with the sirloin, but always cut off and marinated and
braized as we had it yesterday.  Thus you get two hot dishes; our
particular sirloin has given us three.  The parts of this joint
vary greatly in flavour, and in texture as well, and by
accentuating this variation by treatment in the kitchen, you escape
that monotony which is prone to pervade the table so long as the
sirloin remains in the house.  Mrs. Sinclair is sufficiently
experienced as a housekeeper to know that the dish of fillets we
had for dinner last night was not made from the under cut of one
sirloin.  It was by borrowing a little from the upper part that I
managed to fill the dish, and I'm sure that any one who may have
got one of the uppercut fillets had no cause to grumble.  The
Filetto di Bue which we had for lunch to-day was the residue of the
upper cut, and, admirable as is a slice of cold beef taken from
this part of the joint, I think it is an excellent variation to
make a hot dish of it sometimes.  On the score of economy, I am
sure that a sirloin treated in this fashion goes a long way
further."

"The Marchesa demolishes one after another of our venerable
institutions with so charming a despatch that we can scarcely
grieve for them," said Sir John.  "I am not philosopher enough to
divine what change may come over the British character when every
man sits down every day to a perfectly cooked dinner.  It is
sometimes said that our barbarian forefathers left their northern
solitudes because they hankered after the wine and delicate meats
of the south, and perhaps the modern Briton may have been led to
overrun the world by the hope of finding a greater variety of diet
than he gets at home.  It may mean, Marchesa, that this movement of
yours for the suppression of English plain cooking will mark the
close of our national expansion."

"My dear Sir John, you may rest assured that your national
expansion, as well as your national cookery, will continue in spite
of anything we may accomplish here, and I say good luck to them
both.  When have I ever denied the merits of English cookery?"
said the Marchesa.  "Many of its dishes are unsurpassed.  These
islands produce materials so fine, that no art or elaboration can
improve them.  They are best when they are cooked quite plainly,
and this is the reason why simplicity is the key-note of English
cookery.  A fine joint of mutton roasted to a turn, a plain fried
sole with anchovy butter a broiled chop or steak or kidney, fowls
or game cooked English fashion, potatoes baked in their skins and
eaten with butter and salt, a rasher of Wiltshire bacon and a new-
laid egg, where will you beat these? I will go so far as to say no
country can produce a bourgeoises dish which can be compared with
steak and kidney pudding.  But the point I want to press home is
that Italian cookery comes to the aid of those who cannot well
afford to buy those prime qualities of meat and fish which allow of
this perfectly plain treatment.  It is, as I have already said, the
cookery of a nation short of cash and unblessed with such excellent
meat and fish and vegetables as you lucky islanders enjoy.  But it
is rich in clever devices of flavouring, and in combinations, and I
am sure that by its help English people of moderate means may fare
better and spend less than they spend now, if only they will take a
little trouble."



  Menu -- Lunch

  Gnocchi alla Romana.  Semolina with parmesan.
  Filetto di Bue al pistacchi.  Fillet of beef with pistachios
  Bodini marinati.  Marinated rissoles.

  Menu -- Dinner.

  Zuppa Crotopo.  Croute au pot soup.
  Sogliole alla Veneziana.  Fillets of sole.
  Ateletti alla Sarda.  Atelets of ox-palates, &c.
  Costolette di Montone alla Nizzarda.  Mutton cutlets.
  Pollo alla Fiorentina.  Fowl with macaroni.
  Crema tartara alla Caramella.  Caramel cream.
  Uova rimescolati al tartufi.  Eggs with truffles.